you know what, though i'm slightly jealous of all the winter trips e others are going on, and i really do want to go skiing..

i think there's nothing better than being home during christmas time (: with the smell of mulled wine simmering on the stove, the ham and apple sauce, family and friends. i wouldn't trade it for any trip in the world really.

yes the countries might change, but unless a bloody atomic bomb drops on one, its going to be there in e future. i can't say the same for my family and friends though. everyone has a time limit. and every moment i can spend with them, is something extra and special (: which i appreciate all the time.

snorts, happy blog entry ended up rather morbid. HAHA.

cassssssssssssss. go home early!!! i go with you eat zi char, eat kong ba bao, eat trotters, eat ou jian. i lub choo (:

fucking hell.

how difficult is it to pour oil out from a bottle without dripping all over the BLOODY CAP and down the sides of the bottle. christ.

i want to have a crazy story i tell. something right out of a book or movie. something unbelievable, unique and just insane. but where can you find that? everyone's so cautious, so wary, so suspicious. i'm guilty of that. no one dares to take that leap of faith anymore. no more random meetings. coincidental moments. everything has to follow a certain channel. a classmate, a coursemate, a schoolmate, a workmate, a friend of a friend. no random strangers. its claustrophic really. claustrophobic in how i feel suffocated and stifled, in how your whole world ends up so clustery and similar.

we've all stopped breaking out of our moulds and fixed patterns. why? because its comforting? but that doesn't explain a permanent fixation with that kind of lifestyle. you seek comfort when you're tired or hurt or want some peace. i would call it laziness, stubborness and close-mindedness.

i hate the obnoxious way some people look at others. just because they are of a different upbringing, race or whatever it may be. does not immediately make them inferior. there are so many things i find inferior in myself as compared to others. shrugs.

haha. i want to do the crazy (:

i'm slightly disappointed in myself, in my previously-thought-to-be-indestructible self belief.

i just realised how easily i've allowed myself to be knocked down these past two years, and i'm slightly disgusted by it really. what happened to the lack of fear of falling down? i never cared for the scrapes and bruises. i'd just pick myself and try even harder. now it seems that i take each step so cautiously, so aware of comparisons and everything else that is fucking unnecessary.

this has been a wake up call. and i want to go back to my jc self. the self who'd throw herself wholeheartedly, unconsciously and fearlessly into life. and just do everything i want to do that comes my way. and truly live this experience.

(gosh, that sounded a wee bit cheesy) hahaha

もしも　あなたと逢えずにいたら
わたしは何を　してたでしょうか

平凡だけど　誰かを愛し
普通の暮らし　してたでしょうか

時の流れに　身をまかせ
あなたの色に　染められ
一度の人生それさえ　捨てることもかまわない※

だから　お願い　そばに置いてね
いまは　あなたしか　愛せない

もしも　あなたに嫌われたなら
明日という日　失くしてしまうわ

約束なんか　いらないけれど
想い出だけじゃ　生きてゆけない

時の流れに　身をまかせ
あなたの胸に　より添い
綺麗になれたそれだけで　いのちさえもいらないわ

だから　お願い　そばに置いてね
いまは　あなたしか　見えないの

i miss japan, i miss angie.
i miss paris, i miss mummy.

i really do want to jump onto e eurostar and head to paris for e weekend. but there's just way too much work and things i have to do ): to have my quiche lorraine, foie gras & souffles. mms (:







: caresse sur l'ocean :: les choristes :

i feel it devouring my soul. i don't want to end up like _______.

sighs. study i shall.

sometimes i wish i was a hibiscus instead of a rose.

mms. exciting weeks coming up (: barcelona and then hague for e assembly of state parties of e ICC. haha. though i think i'm asking for trouble for packing my dates so fully, its still exciting (: plus there's telders prep coming up too. haha. this has got to be e first time i'm voluntarily joining an academic competition. snorts.

went up to cambridge yesterday (: it was rather odd. my image of cambridge will always be that of 2005. somehow the me now can't quite reconcile the two times. brought back alot of interesting memories though. haha. of how some friendships began, and how some ended. mms. i do quite like sidney sussex (:

despite all that, my heart is rather set on america. haha. its time for new things.

i feel beaten down

simple but unattainable.

i don't want to be bitter, angsty or sad.

the past year has been really good to me. i've grown, learnt and seen more than i've ever done. but this, this could undo e good that's been done. and i don't want that. i'm so proud of how far i've come really. i don't want to go back to that deep dark crevice that i could not find my way out of.

maybe its with this birthday, i get that last bit of courage or maybe even heartlessness that i've lacked, in quite a few places really. mms.

happy birthday me (:
and happy birthday kory! haha.

i love my friends mucho mucho (:

for the year ahead.. all i want is happiness, more travels, more good food, friends, love and my masters spot :D thank you my darlings.






missing you rachel!

i never realised how deep my roots ran till i came here. and a part of me is thankful that they run so deep and far. cos no matter what happens, i know that there's somewhere to go home to. but most importantly, i hate ungrateful people. i don't want to be one.

one and a half more years, hopefully with the last in US, and i can finally put to rest that nagging niggling worry that is constantly at the back of my mind.

which is why, again this year, and for as long as possible, my birthday wish is that that worry never comes true.

random bit of information i found today.

harvard was founded on my october 28th. a sign perhaps? hahaha.